I am that which you fear, loathe, and denegrate. I am that which you tell you children not to be, terrified that they may become. You lie, cheat, steal, vote Republican, and listen to Sean Hannity every day of the week in a vain hope that I will go away. I'm a monster, a boogeyman, a big fat scary monster who makes you whine and whine and oh boy whine some more. This is my biography.
I am a liberal. Every day I wear a strap on dildo and hang out in front of homeschooling stores, yelling obscenities and throwing copies of "The Origin of Species" at unsuspecting children. I distribute condoms to kindergartners and want to raise prices on gasoline, SUVs, and Bibles. I haven't shaved in over 5 years, have a master's degree in "Multiculturalism, Homosexuality, and the Effects of Carbon Dioxide upon the Environment," and wear tye-dyed shirts, sandals, and no underwear.
Further, through legislative means I seek to suppress all religions, especially Christianity. I abhor freedom, love big government, and smoke weed while performing abortions on 14 year olds.
I laugh manically. Alot. Larry Flynt, Bill Hicks and Noam Chomsky are my heroes and I hope that Jerry Falwell gets AIDS. Rush Limbaugh is an expert on me, knows my every belief, my psychology, my history. I do not think that Jesse Jackson is an opportunistic race-baiter who is afforded far more attention than he warrants.
I haven't missed a Phish concert in 3 years, have done LSD over 500 times, and have been protesting the Vietnam War nonstop since the early 70's. I think welfare recipients should be able to get payments until they turn 65, at which point they should receive Social Security payments as well.
I speak French, and have even read Sartre.
I hate the military, but support a UN occupying force. I want to take away everyone's guns, but support armed insurrection. My every action is driven by an utter contempt for humanity, especially Christians. And soldiers.
I love Chairman Mao and Stalin and everyone else who ever called themselves a Commie. In fact, I lurv commies. Commies are my bestest pals. I hate capitalism and therefore I hate freedom.
I am what the conservatives fear. I am the boogeyman. I am a liberal.